How to eat a Gatsby 101
So there has been lots of confusion in regards to the right way to eat a Gatsby. This should clear everything up and resolve all Gatsby related arguments:
1. One should keep the time between purchase and consumption of the Gatsby as short as possible. Cold chips are no one’s friend.
2. You may only cut the Gatsby into a maximum of four pieces. Anything smaller is a
gross injustice to the Gatsby because there is no way you’ll be filled by
a fifth or less (unless there is another Gatsby to go through).
3. Any chip falling from any given piece of the Gatsby is considered
fair game. The ruling on this is final.
4. When separating the Gatsby, note the point of division: practice
absolute precision here to avoid taking the bottom roll of the next
person’s piece. Ask for assistance if necessary.
5. You must finish your share. Besides it being a terrible waste, you’ll
be scorned by the Gatsby Fraternity for all of time for being a tart.
6. Grip is critical. Cup your piece in your hand so that loose bits have
nowhere to fall except back into your hands. Avoid the scenario
described in Point 3.
7. Never leave the Gatsby unattended.
8. It’s best to accompany the Gatsby with a beverage i.e. Jive, Frulati or
Cabana. Hearty burping guarantees relief.
9. Observe relative silence when consuming the Gatsby. No one likes to
talk and eat at the same time. (Also see point 1 regarding cold chips.)
10. Always wash hands with soap and water at the conclusion to avoid
getting a spicy finger in the eye, a condition commonly known as Gatsby
Eye. The only cure is self-induced crying. No one wants to see that, so
just make the trip and wash your damn hands.
11. The bra that contributes the least towards the Gatsby gets the
smallest piece….
12. The Gatsby is not supposed to eaten out of a plate, so make sure
you ask the BB SC (Bra Behind Shop Counter) Lady to double-wrap the Gatsby to
ensure enough paper for everyone.
13. Avoid eye contact with anyone not eating Gatsby, in fear of them
asking for a Stukkie or shouting “Kap ‘n Baat”
14. When sipping on the Cabana, make sure you only have 2 sips then
pass… Anyone attempting more than 2 sips forfeit the next round….
15. Nothing on the Gatsby is to be wasted (refer point 5), that
includes any salads or sauces still remaining in the paper….. Lick it
up….
16. When the Gatsby is finished, it’s obligatory to finish the ritual
with a cigarette, beware tho of anyone asking for skyff…. Thus make
sure you get some sauce on the filter of the cigarette, to avoid having
to share your “Entjie”
Moonstruck Corner 